There is a photo I keep coming back to.
A beach on the shores of Lake Tanganyika. A man on one knee. A woman standing in front of him. In his hands, a ring. Behind her, a placard in the sand: “Will you marry me?”
That photo is me. Seven years ago.
And for years before that moment, the idea terrified me.
Not the proposal. The commitment.
Committing meant I was done asking “what if there’s something better?” Done keeping options open. Done waiting for perfect conditions.
It meant settling.
And I thought settling was what you did when you gave up.
Standing there waiting for her answer, I started to realize:
I had been settling the entire time. I just did not know it.
The Thing I Got Wrong
We use “settling” like it is surrender.
He settled for that job.
She settled for him.
As if settling means accepting less than you deserve. As if the alternative — keeping your options open — is somehow wiser.
But here is what I learned:
Keeping your options open is also settling.
You are just settling for something different.
You are settling for waiting. For indecision. For the fantasy that perfect conditions are coming.
And while you wait, your most productive years slip by.
DStv Channel 100
Years ago, I wrote about a channel on DSTV called Channel 100.
It shows a bit of everything. Sports highlights. Action clips. Movie trailers. Comedy segments.
Feels exciting at first. Like sampling the best of every channel without committing.
But stay there too long: you get highlights, no depth. No storylines. No full games.
The feeling of experiencing everything. The reality of experiencing nothing fully.
I lived most of my twenties like Channel 100.
Keeping options open. Dating but not committing. Starting things, not finishing. Staying “flexible.”
I told myself I was staying open to opportunity.
But I was settling for “Channel 100”.
What “Not Settling” Actually Looks Like
I see this pattern everywhere now.
In relationships:
People who stay with someone but keep one foot out emotionally. Not because the person is wrong. But because they believe there is someone better out there. Someone who has everything.
So this person right now? Just temporary. Passing time until the real deal shows up.
They are not refusing to settle. They are settling — for never going deep. For years of surface-level connection while waiting for perfect to arrive.
In careers:
“I am just doing this job until the real opportunity comes.”
So they show up. But do not invest. Keep the resume updated. Stay ready to leave.
They think they are keeping options open. But they are settling — for being a beginner forever. For missing what shows up when you actually invest where you are.
In business:
Testing idea after idea. Getting each one to the point where it could scale. Then pivoting to the next thing because what if that one is better?
Not refusing to settle. Settling — for building nothing. For years of “just testing” that never turn into anything real.
The Pattern
Here is what all of these have in common:
They are all waiting for the “real deal” to show up.
The perfect partner. The perfect job. The perfect business idea. The perfect moment.
But the “real deal” is not something you find.
It is something you build.
You do not stumble into the perfect relationship. You commit to someone and build it over years.
You do not land the perfect job. You commit to something, excel at it, and that excellence opens doors you could not see before.
You do not discover the perfect business idea. You commit to one, work through the hard parts, and turn it into something that works.
But if you treat everything as temporary — if you wait for the finished version to show up — you stay in permanent holding pattern.
And that is settling. For never starting.
What I Almost Lost
There was a period where I thought I needed to build more before I could commit.
Finish the MBA. Then the MSc in Engineering. Build the house. Reach a financial level.
Then I would be ready to settle down.
But every time I got close, the goalpost moved.
I was already settled. For waiting. For “someday.” For the idea that perfect conditions were coming.
But that moment does not exist.
I was never going to feel fully ready to commit. To marry. To have children.
There was always more I could build first. Another milestone. Another reason to wait.
And if I had kept waiting, I would still be waiting now.
The Shift
What changed was this:
The cost of waiting was higher than the cost of choosing.
By keeping options open, I was not preserving freedom. I was delaying life.
Living on Channel 100. Highlights. Never committing long enough to see where it goes.
So I stopped waiting.
Did not wait for everything figured out. Perfect conditions. Everything built.
Just chose. Committed.
And what surprised me:
The things I thought I needed before settling — financial goals, construction project, career milestones — happened faster after I committed.
Not because marriage made me productive. Because I was no longer carrying indecision.
No longer splitting focus. No longer treating where I was as temporary.
I just built.
What Settling Actually Means
Settling is not lowering standards.
Not giving up. Not accepting less.
Settling is choosing.
Choosing one thing and going all in. Accepting that you cannot experience every version of life. Letting go of the fantasy that you can have it all.
And building something real with the time you have.
The most meaningful progress I have made — in my marriage, my career, my projects — came after I stopped keeping options open.
It came when I chose. When I committed. When I said “Will you marry me?” to one path and stopped looking back.
Think about that image again.
Lake Tanganyika. Bended knee. “Will you marry me?”
That moment was not just about a relationship.
It was when I stopped sitting on the fence and started building.
After years of keeping options open. Waiting for perfect conditions. Treating everything as temporary.
I reached a point where I had to settle.
Pick one path. One person. One life to build.
Not because it was perfect. Not because I was certain.
Because sitting on the fence — refusing to settle — was itself settling. For incompleteness. For waiting. For never starting.
The proposal was not giving up.
It was going all in.
So here is the question:
What are you refusing to commit to because you are afraid of what you will miss out on?
What are you keeping on Channel 100 instead of switching to the full experience?
I wonder if — like me seven years ago — you are already settled.
You have just settled for waiting instead of building.
Maybe it is time to get on one knee.
Not literally. But in whatever area of your life you have been keeping one foot out the door.
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