Last Sunday, I listened to a bible talk on zoom whose theme was as above and it had a profound effect on me. Not only did I feel comforted but it helped me gain a better understanding of this subject as I have personally struggled with comforting others. It is one of the most uncomfortable things for me to do.
The speaker of the talk, who happened to be my uncle was more or less grieving as he had lost his wife of 36 years less than 3 months ago. His bible talk helped me to see this subject in a different light and I felt compelled to share the lessons I learnt from his heartfelt talk.
The following are my key takeaways as given by the speaker:
What does comfort mean?
It has a dual meaning:
1st definition: The Greek word translated comfort is else where in scripture translated as “Encourage”. Therefore the words “comfort” and “encourage” are interchangeable.
This means to comfort means to put courage in another person.
The second definition : The English word “Comfort” which is used to translate the said Greek word has “FORT” in it i.e.
COM FORT , (which conveys strength etc.). FORT is derived from the Latin word “FORTIS” which has the basic meaning of strength (from which comes a family of words such as fortify, fortitude, etc.)
So to Comfort means to encourage or better still to put courage into a person facing a difficult trial.
Important note
When comforting it doesn’t mean that the problem goes away. The comforter simply just gives you the courage to cope with the problem. In other circumstances, the problem may actually exasperate or become worse like in a case of someone who may be suffering from an illness which actually worsens despite being offered comfort.
Where can you find comfort?
2nd Corinthians 1:3-4: Here the bible describes Jehovah as a God of all comfort who comforts us in all trials so we may offer comfort to others.
Others might ask, why didn’t God remove the trial or difficulty in the 1st place?
“To use as an example, in our country we had the leader of an opposition political party who promised to solve a number of country’s problems for the past 20 years. But would it have been fair to expect him to solve the countries problems while he was in opposition? Certainly not and it is now that he is in power that he can be in a position to hopefully deliver on his promises.”
This is similar with God, from the time mankind sinned and turned away from him, he has allowed Satan to rule the world. So when his time comes he will remove all those things that make us suffer.
How can we comfort ourselves?
Study of the bible: The bible is the chief means God uses to comfort us.
Romans 15:4: “For all things that were written beforehand were written for our instruction so that through our endurance and through the comfort from the scriptures we might have hope.”
Its not the whole bible which is directed towards comforting. We need to turn to scriptures which offer comfort. One of the books is Psalms. Why?
“Psalms are directed to the heart and they touch every kind of emotions, pain, love, depression, disappointment, dejection, elations, etc. All these and thousands of emotions are not only heard but felt by the heart.”
In order to benefit from the bible, you cant read it as if its a novel and expect to be comforted.
Psalms 1:1-3; in verse 2 says “happy is a man who reads Gods law in an undertone day and night.” What does ‘undertone mean’? he asked. It means “whisper to yourself or to read aloud and make use of your senses as you reading it.”
ii. Attending meetings: Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages the meeting of one another to incite each other to fine works. You get to receive encouragement from brothers and sisters at Christian meetings.
iii. Prayer: It has been revealed that just discussing feelings to another person can relieve us of the stress (Problem shared is problem solved). If talking to a human can help comfort you, how about when you pour your problems to your Creator. Pour out your heart to him and express exactly how you feel to God.
For example, Hannah, Samuel’s mother who was facing a big trial (bareness and being taunted by rival wife for not having any children) and it was only after she “took things personal” and deeply shared with God the anger, pain and frustration that she felt. Afterwards she felt at peace and later Jehovah answered her request (1st Samuel 1:1-20).
iv. Holy spirit: John 14:26: Jesus Christ indicated that he will send a helper the holy spirit which will among other things help us in recalling scriptures to comfort us in times of need. In addition, holy spirit also gives us extra ordinary power beyond what is normal (2nd Corinthians 4:7) helping us pass through the breaking point without breaking down.
How can we comfort others?
There is no magic formula. Key is to remember what the word comfort means; To offer words or action that will help the other person in need such as prayer or any practical help needed at that particular hour.
The speaker decided to use his own experience as to how he was comforted: “For example in my case, this is how I was comforted?”
i. Prayer: “Just after losing my wife, I felt as though the whole world had come crushing down before my eyes. A friend and brother on hearing the news called and asked that we pray…”
He mentions that he simply cried the whole time the friend was praying and doesn’t remember a single word from the prayer. It didn’t mean anything to him that time because he was in pain but now looking back he felt that it really comforted him a lot.
ii. A letter from a 11 year old girl: A 11 year old girl from his congregation wrote a letter which he received through a brother during burial. He was empathetic as he read the letter to the audience in same way it was written (childish way). It really touched him and felt comforted as the same 11 year old had lost the father the previous year and she expressed how deeply disappointed she felt towards God at the time. The girl in her letter quoted the book of Proverbs 3:5 which comforted her and asked him to trust in Jehovah God with all his heart and not to lean upon his own understanding.
As he finished reading the letter visibly touched with emotion, he paused momentarily as if to compose himself and asked:
“Do you think this letter gave me comfort? Yes! Yes! It did!” As he asked and answered his question.
“When you pour your heart to the person who is bereaved and express your heartfelt condolences especially when you yourself has been comforted by scriptures, you will be able to give appropriate counsel or help.”
iii. Emotional and material support from others: Which can be through helping the grieved with some tasks at home such as cooking, sweeping and other errands which they may not be in a position to carry out.
iv. Checking up on the person after the burial processions are over: During the funeral, a lot of people are there surrounding the bereaved and it is easier for them to cope during this period. However, once the burial processions are done, the bereaved person is alone and it is in these times that they may grieve a lot and there is normally no one close to comfort them.
It is important that we check up on them every once in a while and if possible do some activities together as this helps them during the grieving process.
After going through the key highlights from his talk, the speaker emphatically ended the talk with the below words:
“Until now, let us remain strong because Satan is still in control but very soon all the trials will be over and Jehovah will remove everything that brings problems and trials to human kind.”
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